My newest Youtube Vlog is out now! Check it out with the link below, or take a peek at the Info below!
Hey everyone! In this vlog, I'm sharing my journey of getting back on track after a challenging year. Join me as I open up about my struggles and triumphs, including my fear of going back to the gym, and my history with eating disorders.
🔹 In this video:
- Navigating a tough year and finding my way back 💪
- Overcoming gym anxiety and addressing my fear of working out 🏋️♀️
- Reflecting on my battles with eating disorders and the path to recovery 🥗
- Dealing with feelings of failure and not doing enough, yet recognizing the progress I've made 🌱
- The importance of self-care and taking steps toward a healthier mindset 🧘♀️
If you found this video helpful or inspiring, please LIKE and SUBSCRIBE to my channel for more personal stories and insights. Your engagement helps me reach more people who might benefit from these discussions. 😊 Thank you for joining me on this journey 💖
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🔗 Stay connected with me on social media:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shaylatharp_/
Website: https://www.shaylatharp.com
Podcast: https://havingalaugh.buzzsprout.com
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Transcript:
Shayla Tharp (00:00.174)
Okay, so we are going to the treasurer's office to get my title for my new car! Because the last time I went I didn't have a correct signature and my morning has not been going as planned.
Like everything just seems to be falling apart and that's not what I wanted for my Monday morning. There's a bug on my window. Why? Every time I get like a little hope that things are going correctly, did I just go the wrong way? Anyway, like I was trying to say, today has not been going already the way I want it to. It's 10, 15 in the morning.
It's 10 freaking 15 in the morning. I just don't want to talk about it. I just don't want to do stuff. I'm going to go to the gym because I hate the gym. I'm afraid of the gym, which never used to be me obvious. Like, I guess not obviously, but people that don't know, I was very athletic, very into sports and then, you know, had developed eating disorders as well. So then I was in the gym like three hours a day at least, you know, in college.
And now you ain't catching me inside a gym. Absolutely not. But I'm going to try to make it so that it's a healthy experience for me. And we're going to work out. We're going to get we're going to get fit, swole. We're going to try our very darnedest. It's like 95 degrees today. What is I'm a song?
I think it's a Chapel Rowan song. It was in fact not a Chapel Rowan song. It was that one song where it's like, it's 95 degrees, by someone very cool, cooler than me. Anyway, I'm about to go scare people with my dermatitis. Gonna give it a go. Gonna give it a good go. I don't think I have my headphones. I have my headphones.
Shayla Tharp (02:35.843)
Hey!
Shayla Tharp (02:47.714)
That's my new carb.
Shayla Tharp (03:09.922)
decided to color my hair the same color because I have trust issues. It was at this moment that he knew he fucked up. I think I think it's their own color.
Bye.
Shayla Tharp (03:40.908)
Oops.
Shayla Tharp (03:52.994)
Hi everyone! Sorry if you can hear all the construction and stuff happening across the street, but I just wanted to come on here and say that I'm struggling. This is supposed to be my video of like getting back on track. Sorry, I'm dying. Which I hate those videos in general because they're just... I mean that was
eating disorder fuel when I was, you know, in the thick of it. Into the thick of it! And that's not what I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to fuel anyone. It's like I'm literally trying to get back on track for myself. But even... it's literally day two and I'm already like... I don't want to do it. And I don't know if that's because of my history or... I don't know. I don't know.
the ins and outs of it really, but i just feel bad when i'm not doing enough. i feel like i'm failing and it's like i'm doing my best and that's all i can really help for or you know do. that's what i want from other people is for them to do their best, so why is that not enough for me? and i think it's because i know i can do so much. like i'm...
previous athlete so I know I can work out seven days a week you know twice a day and all that stuff but it's just like I don't want to. I'm 30 almost 32 and I like to sleep and I like to answer my silly little emails and have coffee and not be bothered but I also enjoy working out because I always feel better.
So I don't know, I just feel like no matter what I do, it's a failure. And it's not, it's not a failure. It's not. I'm not. I'm not a failure. It's,
Shayla Tharp (06:07.628)
don't know how to describe it. i mean, i'm in therapy for this reason, but...
Shayla Tharp (06:14.306)
Let me just.
Shayla Tharp (06:22.192)
I guess I don't know why I needed to explain this to you, but I just felt like maybe I'm not doing enough content. Maybe this is boring for people to watch. And maybe I'm not doing enough like other content creators would do. Like they're gonna go out and rock climb and get back on track and eat, you know, 1200 calories a day. that's not what's gonna happen here. It's gonna be more like, I got up today.
I did some laundry today. Basically, this is getting back on track after being super depressed for like a year. My therapist even was like, it seems like you've like broke out of this like shell that you've been in for like eight months. And I'm like, thanks. It was depression. So.
It felt like I was in this dissociative state where I was in fight or flight and literally it was just
for months. But I couldn't do anything but sit in the house and collect dust upon my body. Like I couldn't do anything. I've never experienced, like I've experienced bouts of depression like that, but maybe a month. Not a whole year. I've never, God, I mean, I have really, really struggled this last year.
Getting back on track for me doesn't look like how it might have looked in college. Like for me, that would have been like, yeah, I'm back on, you know, running a million miles a day and lifting weights and doing dance classes. And now it's literally like, I woke up, I had a good breakfast. I had, you know, a good day of answering emails and getting some work done, working on my business, working on this, doing a little content creation.
Shayla Tharp (08:26.945)
just being alive and it just seems pathetic and sad but like from where i was the last you know six eight months is a it's night and day so i'll take it but i always just feel like i'm not doing enough and i feel like i have to apologize for my content not being thrilling and exciting like you know i used to live in london
Los Angeles and Chicago and you know, and I go travel for work. I go to New York and all these cool places and all these cool things that I've done in my life. And now I decide to pick up a camera when I'm boringly coming out of a dissociative state living with my mother in Iowa. It's embarrassing. It's terrifying.
It's just a lot mentally, physically. And you know, when I left London a year ago, I said to my flatmate, I was like, if I have to go back there, I mean, it's not gonna be good. Like I'm going to have a meltdown, it's gonna be bad. Like, I don't know if I'm gonna make it. And basically the whole year was just fight or flight response.
frozen in fear and dissociation and I just did the best I could which was basically just waking up and not dying. And so now we've made it out of that level and now we're going to at least start moving.
And I do feel a lot better. mean, like the whole last month I've spent, you know, I've worn my Apple watch every day and made sure to, you know, close my rings, you know, just do something active for me every day. And I've been feeling a lot better. What do you mean working out and meditating actually helps? It does. It does actually help.
Shayla Tharp (10:43.715)
much to my chagrin. can't even... Anyway, it's literally Tuesday. Tuesday in it. And I started this challenge yesterday,
But there's plenty of time left in the day. I just wanted to let you guys know that this isn't as exciting as other people. For me, I'm doing what I can and I will do my best to do better and do my best to push, push it to the limit, limit, cause we're in it to win it.
I'll do my best. And if you're here along with me on this journey, thank you very much. I appreciate it. And give me a follow, like, subscribe. If you're also like me and a depressed little baby, we can do it together. You know? I really want to find like those people like me that are struggling to do the basic necessities. Like literally
the last few months, it was hard for me to shower, hard for me to do anything but melt into the couch or sleep. So if that's you...
comment down below because we're gonna be
Shayla Tharp (12:20.665)
Let me take my pills. You ever try to take your pills with hot ass coffee? It's hard.
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